(i posted this to my tumblr. a few weeks ago but im reposting it here, also not to be discouraging but I am not really living up to this spurt of motivation in the days since I wrote it, but whatever its still true it just takes time I guess)
I want to live with all of myself, every fibre of my body and soul. I want to live like an awesome workout, one where you put your very best effort in and you come back exhausted and sore but extremely satisfied and happy because you just brought the freakin’ bacon and didn’t hold back and you just let your awesomeness explode.
But okay, honestly, most of the time I don’t put my whole self into living, its true. I get discouraged, I feel like its too much, too painful, it is a risk, I let fear get the better of me, I let myself forget how awesome it is to really live (maybe we all do sometimes). But that is why I am writing this, because i am fed up with being tepid, it just feels so gross. Like, ew!!!!! Not being true to yourself feels so uncomfortable. I don’t want to be a fake for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be some half living zombie! I want to exercise my life-muscles (and my actual muscles too, even though I don’t, maybe this post is my muscles telling me they want to be loved). And so, although it is scary and uncomfortable and makes me break out of my paradoxical comfort zone of fearful zombie-ness, I am going to live with all of myself. Scary things that I want to do but I’m afraid to do because, you know, it will cause ripples and upset people, and its uncomfortable: be warned, I’m comin’ for YOUUUUUUU!
I have drawn a picture to illustrate the actual events which shall occur.
SunflowerSoul 